Feels like the first time- Clary and Jace romance fanfic
by Viola.Raine
Summary: A story starting with Jace and Clary's...ahem... first amorous activity (they sex, guys). Set after city of Lost souls with a few spoilers, so watch out those who haven't read at least up to city of ashes :D Also some Malec, Sizzy and other ships. This is my first fanfic guys, so reviews would be amaaaazing? Thanks and I hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

It was nearing midnight and through the glass walls of the greenhouse, Manhattan was shining neon, lit up by millions of lives far below. But Clary didn't notice, didn't care about those millions of lives right now, because those lights illuminating the whole city were nothing compared to the familiar flecks of golden light she could see in Jace's eyes. She loved looking at him, his glowing, fire lit eyes. His full lips and strong jaw. he was the most beautiful sight in the whole of Manhattan. and it wasn't just her who thought this, of course. Jace attracted attention wherever he went, especial the female kind. A pang of jealousy shot through Clary and she wondered, not for the first time, why her? why had he, this angelic looking, feirce and beautiful boy... no, she corrected herself, man. for Jace was a man now. he had turned eighteen just last week. of course he had always looked strong and older and more experienced to Clary. his broad, muscular shape and height had given him this demeanour. Clary however, despite being 17 now, still had the proportions of a child. small hips, flat chest and scrawny, freckled face. although, she thought consolingly, she had developed some curves in the past year. she could at least now say she has a waist, even if it barely showed.

"you're staring at me." Jace said, his eyes not moving from the beautiful city scene below them.

Clary flushed and looked away, down to her lap where her hands had been fidgeting. She always marvelled at Jace's ability to keep so still, and yet be able to move in an instant with a deadly lightning strike, should need be. Clary always felt nervous and bare without her beaten up old notepad and pencil. Before she could apologise, or think of something witty to respond, the way Isabelle always would, Jace's hand slid between her own. she looked back at him, unable to help herself, only to be faced with Jace's burning intense gaze. he looked thoughtful, and relaxed, in a way she only ever saw him when they were alone.

"I didn't say you had to stop. He murmured, a smile forming on his perfect mouth. his smile revealed his one, chipped incisor. she had known Jace for over a year now, and had never thought to ask him how it had happened. she opened her mouth, ready to poise her question when he leant forward and kissed her on her lips. It was just as it had been the first time, here, in this place, with the city and the plants and the buzzing of wild, exotic insects. and just the two of them, as one. but the kiss was not the same. this time, Jace was not holding back, his mouth, once hard and unyielding, now sunk into hers, merging and moving as if his very life depended on kissing her, on being with her. with her. with HER. oh...

She could feel his chest rising and falling fast, laboured and his heart pouncing in his ribcage, matching a rhythm beating away in herself. His arms wrapped around her and before she could move her own arms into his golden hair he rolled over, pulling her with him so she lay, on top of him, still connected in a wild, frenzied embrace. He grinned up at her and she felt her heart swell with everything she had ever felt for him at once. When he smiled, all the care, the hardness and violence melted away from him, and he was young, and beautiful, and, _in love_? Clary thought. she hoped so, for she was certain that she was.

"I brought food?" he said, and Clary was drawn out of her bubble of thought, of hopes.

_food? _she thought.

"I'm not hungry." she said breathlessly.

"Me neither." Jace said and he leant up to kiss her again.

As they continued Clary realised, that was Jace's way of asking her if she wanted to stop, before_...oh... did she? did she want to stop? _of course she knew the answer before she had even thought of the question. _Of course not_. When it came to Jace, she never wanted it to stop, that was her problem. Maybe Jace had sensed her train of thought, or maybe he simply needed to break for air but he drew his lips back from hers and propped himself up on his elbows. Above him, Clary felt his abs tense. It was _very _distracting. He frowned at her, his eyes now darker and full of concern.

"Is this ok?" he asked, and the sound of his voice, soft but secure, reassuring that even if her answer was no, it would be ok. _But was her answer no? No. Or was it? _She bit her lip and leant back, so that she sat, straddling his knees.

"If you want to stop...if its too much?"

"No!" She exclaimed, a little louder than she had intended. A brightly coloured bird fluttered away from a nearby tree indignantly. Jace grinned and chuckled softly.

"Alright, if you feel so strongly about it. I myself am really not too bothered, I mean-"

Clary cut him off with a indignant glare and he continued to laugh softly. She could feel his mirth vibrating through him beneath her, like the buzzing of life itself.

"I just-" Clary began, then faltered. _What was she going to say? That she was inexperienced that seemed like a mild way to put it, she was non-experienced, especially compared to Jace_. she sagged miserably and let out a shaky breath. She suddenly felt soft fingers under her chin as Jace pushed her head up and brought her lips to his.

"I understand." He murmured. and he did, she knew he did. Except he didn't want him to "understand". She just wanted him. But not here, amidst the bee's and tree's, with the huge glass walls that made it feel like the world was watching. She wanted him all to herself, and damn the world as far as she cared at this moment.

"Not here." She whispered against his lips, and was surprised by the steadiness of her voice. She felt him draw back, and saw his left eyebrow shoot up in surprise.

"Downstairs." She said, almost pleading with him. Apparently pleading was unnecessary, Jace seemed all too happy to oblige, pulling her up as he stood quickly and placing one muscular arm behind her legs, scooping her into him, her head against his chest. he smelled like warm sunlight, the way he always did, and to her- safety. Around Jace she seemed not only to feel protected, but stronger herself, braver. She giggled and wiggled her legs, which dangled over his forearm.

"Now now, Fray" Jace reprimanded her playfully.

"No wiggling!" And as he said it he slung her over he shoulder without even a grunt of effort. He strode easily through the botany and reached the elevator, pressing the ground floor button with urgency, desire. Whilst they waited Clary, who was still dangling over Jace's strong shoulder looked down and noticed that from here, she had a perfect view of Jace's... shall we say... derrière.

"I can see your bum from here" Clary giggled in her giddy excitement, then clapped her hand over her mouth, instantly regretting how childish she had sounded. But Jace simply quaked with laughter and said between chuckles

"Lucky you, plenty of artists would kill for that view." Although she couldnt see his face, Clary could imagine the playfull grin that always painted his face when he came out with something particularly witty. Which, Clary noted, was pretty much all the time.

The lift doors dinged and opened, revealing Church looking harrased and grumpy.

"BRRRRRGH!"

Church made a rumbling noise in his throat to show the pair he was clearly displeased and had been asleep in the elevator.

"Sorry Church!" Clary said, suppressing more giggles.

"Oh screw that!" said Jace with conviction. He shooed Church out and before Clary could take a breath swung her down lightly into the elevator and allowed the doors to close on them, leaving a very disgruntled cat behind.

Clary turned to face Jace, and looked at him with a reproachfulness that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Poor Church, he was-" but the rest of her protest was cut of as Jace pushed her to the wall of the lift and kissed her again, burning with heat and desire. She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on tip-toes to reach him. He grabbed at the backs of her thighs and pulled her up, so that her thing legs wrapped around his waist. He pushed her harder into the wall and pressed himself against her, as if trying to physically push himself into her very being, until they truly were just one person.

DING

The doors swung open and Jace, still not breaking their contact, pulled Clary from the wall and held her to him. She nuzzled into his chest, her shallow breathing against his collarbone. She felt him tense, _was she doing that? Or was it just the strain of carrying her?_ probably that, she thought, disappointedly.

"Your place, or mine?" Jace spoke softly, and with a slight jilt of amusement that was clearly covering up his shaking voice, wrung tight with anticipation.

"Yours" Clary said instinctively. Not because it was where she wanted to be more, she didn't care where she was now, as long as Jace was there too. She simply said it because that was what she was.

_Yours._ she thought,_ absolutely yours_. Jace didn't waste any more time, pacing swiftly towards his room, still holding her to him, arms wrapped protectively around her. _Perhaps he thought she was his too_, Clary thought. _She liked that idea. _

Jace reached his door and set her down, albeit reluctantly. He began fumbling with the mahogany handle widly. _Was he shaking? _Clary thought. _Jaces hands, always steady, ready to throw a Seraph blade 20 metres straight into the heart of what ever hell sent demon happened to appear, shaking?_ _She could do that to him?_ Suddenly she felt more powerful, more in control of her own fate that ever before.

The door clicked open and without warning Clary pushed it fiercely open and grabbed Jace's shoulders, pushing him through before her. He began to stumble backwards, rapidly losing balance from surprise at Clary's forceful movement. However, soon he found his footing and allowed himself to be steered towards the bed, where he fell back, and she toppled on to him.

"Very eager there, Fray!" Jace murmured, but no protest formed on his lips.

"You would be too, if you were seeing what I am." She whispered back. He opened his mouth, ready to form a smarmy response but before he could say anything more she straddled him, this time around his hips and slide her arms over his sculpted pectoral muscles.

He moaned, almost involuntarily as her cool fingertips traced he tiny scars by his collarbones.

"Well" Clary said, boldly "I think this needs to come off, don't you?" She tapped at his lightly coloured cotton shirt and he obediently grabbed the hem and pulled it over his head.

Clary struggled to suppress a sigh of longing as his shook his hair out of his face, lifting his arm to push straggling golden strands out of the way. Her fingers itched to run her hands through it.

"Your turn." He grinned and placed his firm hands on the sides of her arms.

Suddenly, a wave of nervous fear washed over her and she felt the colourful blush that had filled her cheeks sink out of her. Her heart was heavy again, and suddenly she was aware of where she was, and what she was doing.

"Clary? Clary, what's wrong?" Jace's voice was strained and panicked, as if he was... afraid? But not of her, surely.

"I'm not Isabelle." Clary blurted, before she could stop herself.

At this, Jace sat up abruptly, accidentally causing her to lose her balance and topple on to the floor.

"OUCH!" Clary bellowed, most ungracefully.

Jace swore and helped her up.

"I gathered that, you know. Isabelle's the tall, dark haired-"

"Perfect one." Clary finished for him bitterly, accepting his hand and perching on the side of the bed gingerly.

Jace sighed exasperatedly "_You're _perfect. Of course I don't think you're Isabelle, I don't _want_ Isabelle. I want you." He touched her cheek and tilted her head up, but he didn't kiss her this time. He seemed wary. She hated the idea that she had done that to him. Instead he looked into her eyes, and she saw it. The truth,_ he wanted her_. _He_ wanted _her. _

"You are beautiful." He said simply, and on any other day, she wouldn't have believed him. In any other moment she would have shaken the compliment off. But all she could see was his eyes, earnest and filled with..._love?_

He loved her, and she loved him. She wanted this.

She kissed him, softly, and the wild blinding passion returned in an instant, as if when their lips touched sparks flew, infecting them both with fire. Lighting them up until everything else seemed dark and unimportant. She moved on top of his once again and slowly, pulling her light green tank top over her head, revealing her plain white bra. she moved her head hastily out of it, and opened her mouth, to apologise for her flat, pale chest, or else to cross her arms over herself and curl up with embarrassment at her child-like physique. But Jace's face stopped her. He was staring at her in awe. As if he, Jace, who had had any girl he ever desired, could never, ever have anything as beautiful...as _her. _

She hooked her hands into the tops of his jeans and pulled them down , lifting herself slowly so as to ease them off him. suddenly she realised that the only piece of clothing left on Jace was his plain, black boxers, and it still was too much.

Jace took her movements as license to respond with his own, he wrapped his arms around her now almost bare torso and she felt herself shiver at his warm, tingling touch. If he noticed, he didn't stop, he laced his hands behind her and gently unhooked her bra. She felt the soft fabric release and before she knew it he was sliding it down her arms, leaving her exposed to his piercing eyes. Though she didn't feel exposed. after all her apprehension, her fear and jitters, this felt...natural.

Jace had busied himself sliding her own soft cotton trousers down, revealing her plain underwear. Now they were both left with just one peice of clothing each, and the Morgenstern ring which hung on a delicate chain from Clary's neck and dangled between them. But the name Morgenstern would never stand between them again, nothing would.

"This is it." Jace said gently, and his voice was full of yearning for her.

"This is it." Clary agreed, and her hands and his hands slid in unison, to one another underwear, pulling them away, stripping them bare to one another, the way Clary had always made Jace feel, bare, as if he was vulnerable. Never had any girl made him feel this way, and he had had many, many girls. But Clary wasn't just a girl, she was the girl. He knew it now, as he looked up at her, completely bare. She was the only girl there was ever, and would ever be now. He had wanted her from the moment he saw her, and even now, when he was so close to having her, the wanting still burnt inside him.

_A lack of forbidden _he thought with mirth, remembering her words to him on that night what seemed like so long ago, would never be a problem. Clary being forbidden was the hardest thing he had ever faced.

Clary's fast, laboured breathing against his chest roused him from the memory of his time without her. He placed his hands on her sides, as if reassuring himself she were real, she was there, with him. She was saying something.

"Ready?" she asked breathy.

Jace answered by lifting her up easily around the waist and placing her over his throbbing groin.

"Ready." he said and released her.

She sunk on to him and as he watched her, he saw her mouth form a perfect "o". A slight, soft scream escaped her lips that hovered somewhere between pain and...pleasure?

He had never had a virgin before, and that made Clary all the more special. _She was pure_. _She was his, and his only his, _he thought selfishly and as he thought this his arms moved around her protectively, encasing her in his own body.

"Is this ok?" he asked, his torso pressed against hers. He could feel her breathing, and as he pressed harder into her she made another noise, that sounded a little like yes.

This was good enough for Jace, who took the noise as a green light and rolled over, pulling her with him, still buried inside her, so that now he was on top, he was in control.

Jace held himself over Clary, and she felt his muscles tense on either side of her as he supported his weight upon them. He began easing out, and as he moved she felt how perfectly they fit together, like two pieces of an eternal puzzle, that was finally, perfectly fitting at last. He rolled his hips back and forth, settling into a rhythm as she gazed at him above her, his eyes twinkling with possession...of her.

His breath was strained and is muscles all tensed and writhing with hers. After what seemed like eternity of their eyes locked together she tilted her hips up, very gently at first to meet his.

She felt the motion grind their hips together, and apparently so did he as he let out a strained, passion filled moan. Deciding she rather liked _that _noise, she began to build up speed in her movements, and Jace responded with equal measure.

Soon they were writhing, pushing and straining against each other, his hair falling down, protecting them in a curtain of golden strands. His arms reached up around his back, feeling the sweat that had built up from their exertions.

Jace's hips pushed urgently, and Clary whimpered with pleasure and the noise itself almost sent Jace over the edge, but he grunted in his determination to hold on, to wait until she was ready. they would explode together. And that was what they did. He erupted into her just as she convulsed around him, both crying out in ecstasy.

Jace's arms gave way and he dropped, his full weight falling on to Clary for a moment, pressing her into the mattress. Somewhere beyond the peaceful joy that now filled him he felt the ring dig into his chest, and realised it must be paining Clary. He rolled off her, sliding out of her softly. He felt her moan rather than heard it as he moved out of her.

He lay on his back, next to her and thought of every moment he had ever spent with Clary, and how despite there wonder, none was better than here, now.

How everything was better when she was here, how she made him better. When Clary was around, Jace forgot how he had been raised by a killer, how he was no better that that killer, was he? He forgot how he had never known his mother. Clary made him _kind_. _Kind_, which he had once mistaken to mean _weak_. strangely, as he lay there, his fathers, no, _Valentines_. Valentines words.

_To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed._

_If this is what destruction feels like, then let then end begin._ He thought contentedly.

He turned his head to look at Clary. A halo of red curls was spread around her, tousled and damp with sweat. Her pale, lily white skin, flecked with freckles that he loved. He wished he could kiss every one untill she realised her beauty like everyone else did. Her green eyes, round and perfect, honest and untainted. Despite the loss of her virginity, her eyes still seemed pure and unspoilt. Perhaps there was something inside Clary that he could never ruin, never spoil. The idea reassured him that perhaps she was not as breakable as he feared. Her rose pink lips, moving, forming silent words.

He roused himself from his daydream.

"Huh?" Jace murmured throatily, his usual eloquence had deserted him as he felt her bare chest against his abdomen as she rolled on top of him.

"Jace." she whispered, her words tickling his collarbone gently. "I really wish you would stop desperately trying to grab my attention like this, its getting embarrassing." He could see her smiling face, glowing, framed by her curly erred hair which spread across his chest like a shield. He smiled in memory of those words he had said to her when they were only strangers.

"Sarcasm" he replied, continuing with the memory "Is the refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt."

She eased herself up and grinned at him, her hands exploring his chest. Did she want... _more? _

"Oh? So its imagination you want?" She asked teasingly, sliding her hands downwards as his eyes widened in surprise. She _did_ want more.

_Well, who was here not to grant a ladies wishes..._


	2. Chapter 2

The occasional rays of morning light shone through the thin, red fabric of the curtains that was artistically draped over the windows in Magnus's flat, filling parts of the room with a strange red glow. Magnus rolled and stretched, entwined in the various covers and draped that decorated the regal four poster bed that took pride of place in the centre of the room. The carvings that decorated the headboard had been taken from the surviving remnants of the titanic itself. Magnus would know, he had seen them when they had decorated the glorious dance halls and dining rooms. He had also seen the bodies, floating, pale and lifeless on the surface of the black water. He had seen their faces lighting up, almost opaque from the flickering flames of the sinking ship. Their expressions blank and their eyes unseeing. Magnus had lived for over 800 years, and had seen more death than he cared to remember. It was funny, he thought, how even an immortal life did not take away the fear nor pain of death. Magnus rolled again, shaking such thoughts from his head and felt Alec beside him, his breathing stead and his strong, muscular body relaxed. slowly and very gently so as not to wake him, Magnus propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at Alec's face. In sleep, all Alec's Caution, apprehension, concern...it was all gone. his delicate features were calm and serene, and his skin was smooth and untroubled. He seemed so...still. Except his eyes, beneath closed lids they swivelled and flicked, like pinballs in their sockets. Magnus wondered what he was dreaming about, and selfishly hoped it was him. He liked the idea that he could bring that look to Alec's face, even if it was only in a dream.  
As Magnus stared down at Alec, he remembered the shy, mysterious Shadwhunter boy who had lurked behind the others. But Magnus had noticed him immediately, all dark haired and tall, with those piercing blue eyes. These were the things that had attracted Magnus to Alec. His protectiveness and yet not envy, his bravery and yet not pride. The unassuming way he shrugged his shoulders when Magnus flirted with him. They were the things Magnus had fallen in love with.  
And then here was the way Alec lined the mugs up in the cupboards, and insisted that the forks be separate to the knives and the toothbrushes each have their own holder, they were the little things that kept Magnus in love with him. All those habits, all those thoughts and feelings, everything that made up the man Magnus had fallen in love with was written across Alec's face, and it glowed out of him so brightly Magnus felt even looking at him for too long would cause sunspots to dance across his eyes.  
It troubled Magnus that this humanity that he so loved about Alec would one day be their destruction. There was no escaping Alec's mortality. Their relationship was sand in an hourglass, slipping through Magnus's fingers day by perfect day. He had lived through centuries this way, and would live through a thousand more without ageing a day. Alec, however would wither and...die. He would live a normal life, waking up with more lines appearing on his now smooth face every day, and his bones would begin to ache and tire, even his crystalline blue eyes would cloud and grow faint. The idea filled Magnus with panic, and he realised with a sickening jolt that his hands were sweating and his hands had furled into fists, screwing up clumps of bed-sheets. Alec stirred and the movement and Magnus stopped abruptly. He didn't want Alec to wake, to see him like this. when Alec mentioned his mortality to Magnus he kept a cool exterior, as if the idea did not bother him, as if it were natural. the truth was Magnus couldn't imagine anything more unnatural than living without Alec, like living without something vital, without which he would surely fade.  
Magnus dragged his thoughts painfully away from the future and turned away from Alec's still slumbering figure. He slid out of bed gently, being careful not to rouse Alec. He padded barefoot across the Persian rug he had... acquired from the antique store on 6th avenue.  
He scooped up his violet silk dressing gown from where it lay, crumpled beside the dresser. as he straightened up and pulled it over his bare chest his eyes fell upon Alec's neatly folded t-shirt and jeans. Normally his shoes would have lay beside, but Magnus had refused to let him inside the flat whilst wearing them. Him and Jace had ventured into some sewers in pursuit of what Alec assured him was a very dangerous demon. In return, Magnus had assured him he would not be sleeping in the garage if he did not leave them outside.  
A smile curled across Magnus's lips at the memory and he tiptoed to the bathroom to check his unchanging reflection. A schoolgirl smile decorated Magnus's lips and he shook his head at his reflection, the way one would at a naughty child. over Three centuries old and he was grinning like a Cheshire cat all over a memory. But memories were all Magnus had, most of everything he had ever known was a memory now, and soon Alec would be no different.  
No.  
He would not keep thinking like that. His time with Alec was precious enough and he would not waste it on morbid thoughts. He turned his attention to his reflection once again. The foolish grin had slid off his face and without his glitter and makeup he seemed resoundingly plain. forgettable. His dark hair hung just above his shoulders in soft waves, slightly tousled from the night before.  
The night before.  
Magnus remembered in a flutter of butterflies that had risen from his chest. It seemed Alec's own youth brought out the young boy in Magnus too. with Alec it felt like everything he did was for the first time. Living forever could make everything seem like an old re-run, but not Alec. Alec lit up life like a ray of sun. Like the rays of sun that now lit up the entire room behind him. Magnus wondered absently what time it was. his stomach rumbled in response to the thought.  
Breakfast time.  
Magnus thought, and turned away from the mirror without bothering to study his reflection any longer. he headed downstairs towards the kitchen, his mind set deliberately on food, and yet not far from any lingering thoughts of mortality.

Alec awoke with a start to a strange pressure against his lips. The feeling was not unpleasant, but it startled him enough to wake him. his eyelids fluttered open and he blinked and drew back in surprise. There, leaning over him, his bright green cat eyes sparkling with mirth, was Magnus.  
"Our very own sleeping beauty everybody!" He bowed to an imaginary audience, that in reality consisted of Chairman Meow, who stirred lazily on his pouffe, but did not bother to open his eyes.  
Alec smiled and pulled the tassel on Magnus's green silk robe, pulling him down to Alec's level once again. He pulled him close and kissed him, intensely, almost instinctively on the lips. Magnus made a small noise of surprise but, unlike Alec, did not draw back. Instead he wrapped his arms around Alec's neck, intensifying the kiss. Suddenly, Alec broke the kiss and pulled Magnus onto the bed, rolling over him so he lay on to, arms still around his neck.  
"Now that" said Magnus, a little breathless "Is a wake up call." He grinned and Alec moved in, pressing his lips against Magnus's own and...  
A ring cut through the Intensity of the moment like a knife. Alec drew back again, frowning irritably at the side table, where his phone lay, Buzzing. A total mood looked at Magnus questioningly, and Magnus replied with a resigned shrug, before sliding out of bed with a wistful sigh. He got off the bed with what was clearly intended to be a dignified silence and marched across the room, murmuring something that sounded something like  
"You're loss."  
Alec sighed, his eyes lingering for a moment where Magnus had disappeared downstairs, before the repeating ring cut through his wandering thought of what might have been. Irritably, he reached for his phone. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and stretched as he sat up, his hand retrieving his phone from the wooden table. Alec's eyes focused on the overly bright screen and he winced as his eyes adjusted. As he focused, he read the name beneath the caller symbol. Jace. Man, did he have a sense of timing.  
Why would Jace be calling him?  
There was a time when Alec wouldn't have thought twice about picking up the phone, and scampering off on whatever ridiculous and fool hardy adventure Jace had suggested, but that was when there was nowhere else he'd rather have been. It was different now, Alec was exactly where he wanted to be. But this was Jace, and he couldn't just ignore his friends because he had found something better. He allowed himself a moment to scold himself before pressing the receive call button and saying  
"Jace? What'sup? If you've found another stupid demon I swear I'll-"  
It was the silence that made him stop, the absence of the smooth, cocky, familiar voice Alec knew so well.  
"Jace? Hello? Are you even there?"  
When Jace finally spoke, it was a strangled, desperate noise. His voice was broken and hoarse, as if he had been shouting. He spoke spoke slowly, so much so it almost felt dangerous, in a way only Jace could. Two words, just two words that Jace could say that would explain, and Alec knew what they were before he even uttered a word.  
"She's gone"  
Jace's voice crackled down the line,  
"She's gone, Alec"  
He repeated, desperately, almost searchingly.  
"Clary's gone."


	3. Chapter 3

It had taken Alec less that ten minutes to get from Magnus's apartment to the institute, but by the look on Jace's face when he burst through the great carved doors of mahogany and steel, he may as well have been a century. Jace looked like he had lived a thousand years since yesterday, and all traces of the nimble young man full of vitality that he had seen just yesterday were gone, replaced by haze of desperate anxiety and... nails were already bitten to the quicks, and his hair, usually silken and smooth was knotted and tousled.  
He looks destroyed, and as he thought it he remembered One of Jace's sayings, an old one that he hadn't heard in a long time.  
"To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed."  
He had never truly understood what Jace had meant, but seeing him, gaunt and pale, his golden eyes full of pain and a kind of veiled rage, the true meaning of the words washed over him like an unwanted tidal wave of understanding.  
He rose immediately from where he had been sitting, hunched in a particularly regal looking chair. It was intricately carved with glorious looking angelic figures with flowing hair and strong, muscular torso's. Even from where he stood, Alec could see how even their faces had been meticulously perfected, with high, angular cheekbones and strong, beautiful faces.  
But Alec's eyes were fixed not upon the faces of the still, wooden angels, but the contorted, strained, and yet still no less beautiful Face of his friend. He watched warily, unsure whether he dared speak. Something in Jace's eyes warned him it would be unwise to choose the wrong words here, a dangerous sparkle flickering in the golden flecks around his iris. Eventually, after a ringing silence, Jace spoke.  
"I woke up" He said, and his voice was soft and full of self loathing. "and she was gone, she wasn't with me so I called out for her, looked everywhere and I found this" He held up his hand, and in it was the Morgenstern right, the chain broken, as if it had been torn from the wearers neck.  
"Next to me."  
Alec stared at it in confusion, and without thinking said  
"But why would she be next to-"  
oh.  
Oh. Alec realised with a jolt what Jace had meant by "With me".  
He flushed scarlet and felt his cheeks begin to burn. Luckily, Jace seemed too full of his own spiralling thoughts to notice. He was staring at the ring in blatant, undisguised horror. It was one of the rare times Alec saw Jace as he was, genuine. It brought him no pleasure to see him in this state, but some small part of him acknowledged that he, Alec, had been he first person Jace had thought to call. This part of him was swiftly crushed, however, as a door at the far end of the entrance hall swung open, revealing His sister, Isabelle, clad in a skimpy pyjama set, her hair pulled into a scruffy bun. Alec noted with some disapproval that those shorts were very short. He would have protested, but seeing as it was only him and Jace present, it hardly matter-  
And then the door swung open again, and the vampire walked through. His hair was ruffled and he was wrapped in an old robe and what appeared to be nothing else. Alec's Jaw dropped open as he stared from Isabelle to Simon and back again. The thought of Jace and Clary flew from his mind, replaced with a strong desire to punch simon repeatedly in the face.  
"What is he doing here?!" He heard a voice say, realising only a split second later that it it was in fact his own voice. It sounded strangely high pitched to his ears, and left a ringing silence echoing around the high ceiling, in which Isabelle, Jace and Simon all stared at him. One of Isabelle's dark, meticulously perfected eyebrows was raised in a high ark and behind her simon had frozen, a distinctly horrified look on his face as he stood, mouth hanging slightly open, at Alec. He looked quite gormless.  
"Seriously Alec, only bats could understand that. Bring it down a couple of decibels, its not even eleven yet." Isabelle's tone was light but her eyes flicked from Alec to simon, as if calculating how fast she would have to be if Alec decided to go for simon.  
_Not fast enough._ Alec thought with malice, but before he could act on this thought Jace moved, quick as a cat, blocking Simon from Alec's view. Alec moved his eyes up to meet with Jace's incredulously. Isabelle was practically Jace's sister too, surely he felt the same way, surely he too wanted to rip him limb from-  
And then he met Jace's distraught gaze, and he remembered.  
Clary.  
Alec was by no means done with that vampire, but as much as it pained him to admit it, there were bigger things at stake here.  
"I thought you were at Magnus's?" Isabelle said, almost apologetically to Alec.  
"He was." Said Jace, before Alec could respond. "I called him here. It's Clary-" Jace broke off mid-sentence and Alec took up the rest  
"Clary's gone missing." Alec said, then immediately regretted it. He had never had Jace's eloquence, and the way he had said it made it sound as casual as if she had gone for jaunt to central park.  
There was a long, shocked silence, and to Alec's surprise it was Simon who broke it.  
"She's gone?" He asked, and his voice sounded almost as broken as Jace's  
"But, I mean- You must have some Idea where she is? Who was she with, when did she go, what was-" Simon began to blurt questions and his voice was becoming panicked and desperate.  
Jace cut through his monologue, his tone flat and resigned  
"Me." he said simply, his voice full of self loathing. "She was with me."  
Isabelle stared at Jace, and her huge brown eyes were glistening as the light from the stained windows shone across her face. Tears began to roll gently down her face and she moved towards him, her arms outstretched.  
"Oh, Jace" she said softly, bringing him into her in an embrace.  
Jace stood rigidly, not acknowledging Isabelle at all.  
Simon was now in clear view of Alec, and Alec purposefully avoided looking at him, he didn't think his big brotherly restraint stretched that far.  
"What happened?" Simon asked, looking at Jace's hollow expression.  
"I don't know." Jace said flatly.  
Simon stared at him for the longest time, and when he spoke his voice was loud full of incredulity.  
"What do you mean you don't know! Did she just spontaneously vanish or was it a gradual transition to invisibility? How couldn't you have noticed? Having a nap, were we?!" His voice had risen to an accusatory shout, bouncing off the walls and ricocheting down on Jace like shards of glass. Jace turned to simon and his golden eyes focused for the first time.  
"Yes, actually." He said coldly.  
Isabelle let go of Jace and rounded on Simon, her dark eyebrows knotted in anger.  
"Simon!" reprimanded him, her voice matching his tone.  
Simon stared at her, then at Jace, and then finally, to Alec. His dark eyes were full of fear and anger. Alec noticed that his hands were bunched into shaking fists, and he seemed to be restraining from launching himself onto Jace. Jace probably wouldn't have stopped him if he had, the state he was in. But Alec would. Some small part of him was hoping Simon would lose it and give Alec and excuse to ram his fist-  
But that was a selfish part of him, and he could deal with his sister frivolous activities later, right now it was Jace who needed help.  
"Simon" said Alec, and despite his calm voice, there was a tone that promised violence would ensue if Simon did not listen . "Perhaps you should go cool down, let the family talk?"  
Simon stared at Alec, eyes blazing. For a moment he considered refusing, considered fighting Alec, considered ripping his skin and drinking his fresh, warm-  
Simon moved without realising, and before he knew it he was on top of Alec, his teeth needle sharp and bearing down over Alec's exposed neck. Simon could see blood pulsing beneath Alec's pale skin. and then he felt a pang of pain, like an electric shock, and he was thrown off Alec and across the room, Isabelle's golden whip wrapped around his torso.  
Simon blinked and his stomach rumbled. He looked around him and saw what must have happened. He had attacked Alec. Alec,_ his friend_.

Simon opened his mouth, to apologise or to cry out in pain he wasn't sure. All too late he remembered his pointed teeth and as reopened his mouth Isabelle drew back her whip and prepared to strike again. It was Alec who moved this time, throwing himself in front of Izzy and murmuring something to her. After a moment he moved and simon could see she had lowered the weapon. simon wondered vaguely where she had been hiding that, she certainly hadn't had it on her earlier-  
and then he noticed her face. It was contorted in a look of disgust.  
_Hatred_  
Simon realised with a sickening jolt.  
She hated him. He didn't blame her, For what he had done, he deserved it. For what he was, he deserved it.  
"Izzy I-" Simon started pleadingly, his voice a moan of pain.  
But Isabelle cut him off before he could finish his plea.  
What was he going to say anyway  
Sorry I got the munchies for your brother?  
"Get out." she said, her voice shaking with barely contained rage.  
"Get out you filthy _Downworlder_, and never come near me or my family again or I swear I will shove a steak through your un-beating heart." She put extra emphasis on the word "Downworlder", as if it were something filthy and unclean, as if he wasn't simon, her friend.  
He knew he had to get away, he wasn't safe, not when he was this hungry. He had to remember to feed, it was his own fault. He wouldn't accept his loss of humanity and as a result he was becoming a monster. He had to get away from the accusatory glares of the Lightwoods, had to clear his head, had to feed. He got shakily to his feet and moved towards the door. When he reached the great wooden door he paused. he could feel their eyes upon him, un-trusting, fearful. Without looking back, he moved through the door and dissipated from view.  
Jace, who had not spoken during the entire event turned to face Alec. His eyes were focused now, pupils dilated with adrenaline. He no longer looked empty, or shocked or even afraid. His mouth was a grim slash and his eyes twinkled with something unidentifiable, more than the adrenaline. He looked determined, and very, very dangerous. When he spoke his voice was a low, steady growl.  
"I know where she is."

okay guys what did you think? Reviews would be amazing? Any requests or suggestions? Thankyou xx


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